I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
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