I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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