Skip Greektown and come to Geektown. I just want to cuddle.
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
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