at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
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