4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
do guys with small dicks even attempt to pursue romantic relationships?
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
Randomize
