apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
Randomize
