My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
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