i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
Randomize
