I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
Who put my cat in the fridge?
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
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