Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
So my game is weak??
If your game is "Lets have sex, and maybe pizza" then yes.
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
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