I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Randomize
