All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
Randomize
