I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
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