Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
Randomize
