if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
Randomize
