I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
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