Oh man dude like 1000 to 1500 milligrams. Its gonna burn like bad though.
he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
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