just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
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