Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
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