now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
Randomize
