also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
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