This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
Randomize
