That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
Randomize
