he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
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