I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
