I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
Randomize
