this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
Randomize
