smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
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