He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
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