Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
Randomize
