Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
I just googled if crying burns calories
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
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