Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
Randomize
