one two three fourrrrnication!
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
Randomize
