I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
All the doctor said was why
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
Randomize
