We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
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