Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
Randomize
