Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
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