I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
My liver is preforming stress tests.
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
Randomize
