i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
try to milk me bitch
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