I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
Randomize
