where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
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