you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
Randomize
