All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
Randomize
