He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
Randomize
