ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
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