I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
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