I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
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