why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
Randomize
