dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
My pussy is not your playground.
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
Boobs speak an international language.
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
Randomize
