I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
I accidentally burped into my bong.
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
