According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
Boobs are out for the taking
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
Randomize
