he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
Randomize
