you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
Randomize
