The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Randomize
